Original Twitter Upload Date: March 7, 2022. The script below was originally posted to DA on March 10, 2022, and has been revised minimally from the original version.
[March 4, 2018 on the strict timeline of ZP-51498. Gilda, Margo, and April eat at their table in the food court in the Grunvale Mall]
Margo: “And that’s why Teen Titans‘ “Things Change” is the worst series finale to any show ever. Why would they leave so many questions unanswered if they were just gonna end the show right there?!”
Gilda: “Margo, next time you end a rant, actually have a rant to end. Instead of just randomly saying the conclusion out of nowhere.”
Margo: “Oh, come on, Gil, you’re no fun. Let anyone who’s eavesdropping on us just now think I was ranting!”
[Gilda looks around the area; everyone’s either too busy eating, lined up at the vendors, or walking past the food court]
Gilda: “Who would be eavesdropping on us?”
Margo: [beat] “I dunno.” [bites into carrot she’s eating]
April: “‘ey, ‘ave ye lasses seen Wendeh t’deh?”
Gilda: “Nope, haven’t seen her.”
Margo: “I haven’t seen her either.” [swallows] “Maybe she died.”
Gilda: “Hey, that’s not funny, Margo, she’s our friend. You shouldn’t joke about that.”
Margo: “I mean, it’s possible.” [sips from her Orange Crush]
Gilda: “She’s probably just preparing for her birthday. She is coming up on… that age, you know.”
Margo: “Oh, right, thirteen! She is becoming a teenager, isn’t she? And then you do, April, and then you Gilda, and then me, in…” [eyes go big] “Holy crap, three and a half months? That’s how close teenhood is for me already? Damn!” [beat] “Well, if being a teenager is anything like what they show in the movies, then at least I’m in for a fun time.”
Gilda: “Well, yes, she is becoming a teenager. But since she’s Jewish, that also means –“
April: “Ah, ‘at’s right! Bat mitzvah!”
Margo: “Bat miztvah?! Oh, that’s awesome! Our Wendy’s becoming a grown sow!”
Gilda: [chuckles] “Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m as excited as you guys for it. Both the ceremony and the party.”
[Margo and April fall silent]
April: “…but weh can’t gae.”
Margo: “Yeah, Gil. You really think Wendy would invite our gentile asses to such a sacred event?”
Gilda: “Yes, I do. Her sisters all did. I mean, invite non-Jewish guests. Stella got to go to Dolly’s, that marsupial boyfriend of Nicole’s went to hers, and I remember my own brother Terence going to Roz and Maddie’s b’not. He wore an orange tux to it. It looked like Jim Carrey’s in Dumb and Dumber. Gourd, I wish I had a tux like that. In green.”
April: “Ye dae, daen’t ye? The shooldah-padded one?”
Gilda: “That’s a suit, April. I mean a tux. Like with a ruffled shirt.”
April: “Ye’d look silleh!”
Gilda: “I’d look classy! And so would you. Actually, if I got you one in your color, you’d –“
April: “Ruffled shirts’re mah twin’s t’ing. Ah daen’t need un, thank ye vereh much.” [bites into egg sandwich, looks off, and points]“Oh hey, thar’s Wendeh.”
[Gilda and Margo look back; sure enough, Wendy’s walking up. She’s carrying papers with her]
Gilda: “Oh! Hi, Dub Dub!”
Margo: “Hey, Wendy, what’s up?”
Wendy: “Hey, guys. Sorry I’m late. I was just printing some stuff out. Here, I want you to have these.” [hands out the papers, the rest of the Tetrad start reading what they say as they recieve them] “I’m sure you know what they are.”
Gilda: “The invitations, right?” [reads the invitation] “‘You are cordially invited to witness Wendy Rowan Wyler as she is called to the Torah as a bat mitzvah, this Saturday at the Albaneigh County Sephardic Temple. Service at 5PM, party from 6PM to midnight. The dress code is semi-formal. Catering will be provided by the Grunvale, Ithaca, and Buffalo branches of the Redfeather Commune. Edward Voronov, brother of Wendy’s brother-in-law Gregory, will be deejaying.'” [to Wendy] “Well, sounds like it’s gonna be a lovely night. I promise I’ll be there.”
Margo: “Gilda says you don’t have to be Jewish to go to these things, is that true?”
Wendy: “Of course! In fact, when Roz and Maddie turned thirteen, they even invited Gilda’s brother to –“
Margo: “She told me that too.”
Wendy: [beat] “Anyways, part of the reason I wanted to deliver these to you guys personally is because… well, you see, it’s tradition at bar and bat mitzvah celebrations for there to be candle lighting. Generally, there’s fourteen to light. One for each year lived up to that point, and one for good luck.”
Gilda: “Oh yeah, I know that part. Calling up family and friends to light. I’m guessing you want us to light one of the candles?”
Wendy: “Yes, I would. I have you guys as candle number ten.”
Gilda: “Number ten, like the tenth candle?”
Wendy: “Yeah, the tenth candle. I’ve already got the order figured out. I light the first candle for my dead relatives, then Dolly lights the second one, then Nicole lights the third, Greg lights the fourth, my uncle Jerome and aunt Dessiree light the fifth, my cousins, their names are Guillaume, Roderick, Maurice, Nikita, and Wyatt, by the way, they light the sixth, My grandparents, my maternals Ezra and Jacqueline and my paternals Tae-hyung and Moon-hee, they light the seventh, Dolly’s friends Stella and Samantha light eighth, Nicole’s friends, her teammates Murphy and Charlotte and her boyfriends Murray and Holt, they light ninth, and then you guys light tenth. And in case you’re wondering, rabbi Franco is eleventh, Greg’s sister Vicky is twelfth, Roz and Maddie are thirteenth, and then I light once again for the fourteenth candle, which is for everyone who shows up. [beat] I, uh… I wanted to put you guys earlier, but the way these things usually work is that family goes first, and, well…” [chuckles] “I didn’t realize how much family I had.”
Margo: [scowling] “Dolly’s friends and Nicole’s friends aren’t your family.”
Wendy: “Yeah, but I’ve known them since I was four. Well, Stella and Samantha and Murphy and Charlotte, at least. I’ve only known you and April since first grade, Margo, and Gilda for a year and a half. And as for Murray and Holt, by the way things are going, I’m gonna be calling them my brothers-in-law in a few years.” [beat] “Dolly and Nicole were also very persuasive. It’s scary how well they do puppy eyes.” [chuckles nervously] “Seriously though, I hope you guys don’t mind going so late.”
Gilda: “Not at all, Wendy! I feel honored you’re even giving us a candle at all.”
April: “Sae do I!”
Margo: [observing her friends’ reactions] “You know what, they’re right. I should feel honored. And I do. I mean, putting us before your rabbi, that’s pretty big! I am bigger than your God.”
Wendy: [laughs] “Okay, dial it back, John Lennon.” [addressing entire group] “Now to the big reason I’m here. The tradition is to play a different song for each candle-lighter, a song that we associate with the ones lighting. Eddie and I have it all figured it out… except for you guys.”
Gilda: “Oh?”
Wendy: “So I’m asking you, what song would you like to have played? It can’t just be any song, it’s gotta be something good. Something meaningful to all of us. Something you guys and I can all agree on.”
Margo: “Meaningful to all of us? Oh, that’s easy. ‘You’ve Got a Friend’ by James Taylor.”
Gilda: “Oh, 🦭 off, troll! And that’s not even James Taylor’s song, it’s Carole King’s.” [to Wendy] “We are not playing anything James Taylor.”
Wendy: “I wasn’t even taking that suggestion seriously.”
April: “How ‘boot ‘Sky Takes th’ Sool’ by th’ Proclaimers?”
Wendy: “That’s only meaningful to you, April.”
Gilda: “‘Touch of Grey’ by the Grateful Dead? Since the song’s about getting older and we’re all becoming teenagers?”
Wendy: “Yeah, but it’s not you guys who are becoming bat mitzvah, Gilda. And we’re not so old we’re turning grey.”
Gilda: “You’re grey.”
Wendy: “Yeah, but because of my race, not my age.”
Margo: “‘With a Little Help From My Friends’? Either Beatles or Cocker.”
Wendy: “That’s too cliché.”
April: “‘Thank Ye Fer Bein’ a Friend’?”
Wendy: “That’s also too cliché. And again, we’re not old like the Golden Girls!”
Gilda: “It doesn’t have to be the sitcom version, there’s still the Andrew Gold version to play.”
Wendy: “It’s still cliché.”
Gilda: “Hmmm… oh, I know! ‘Your Wildest Dreams’! That’s a song that means a lot to us! We had fun singing it at Marilyn Springsteen’s, remember?”
Wendy: “Yeah, but a song about a long lost love isn’t something you play to honor your friends. Look, guys. How about we choose something unconventional. Something that still fits us, fits the situation, but they wouldn’t be expecting us to play?”
[beat]
Margo: “Oh, I got it! The Ramones’ cover of ‘I Don’t Want To Grow Up’!”
Wendy: “Awesome to see you acknowledging Tom Waits, Margo.”
Margo: [quietly, as Wendy is still talking] “Of course, he’s an underground legend.” [Gilda pats her on the shoulder]
Wendy: “But that song’s about suicide, not growing up. It can’t just be fitting by title.”
April: “How about ‘Baker Street’ by Gerry Rafferty? Ah’bodeh looves th’ sax bit!”
Wendy: “None of us live on a Baker Street, April. And my synagogue isn’t on one either.”
Gilda: “Wait, I got it! ‘New Pork State of Mind’! It’s perfect, because Billy Joel is Jewish like you, and we all live in New Pork!”
Wendy: “The state, Gilda. Not the city. The song’s about the city. We don’t live in New Pork City. Also, it’s too slow.”
Gilda: “How about ‘Panllama’? Diamond Dave’s Jewish too.”
Wendy: “We don’t live in Panllama, either.”
April: “‘Friends in Low Places’?”
Wendy: “You’re all from priviledged backgrounds!”
Margo: “‘Waiting On a Friend’? I mean, who doesn’t love the Stones?”
Wendy: “I won’t be waiting on you long to light the candle!”
Gilda: “Come on, Wendy. Stop overthinking it. You can’t turn down everything we suggest.”
Wendy: “But the song’s gotta be perfect, Gilda.” [Gilda hears the opening to Chumbawumba’s ‘Tubthumping’ playing over the PA system, causing her to get distracted tune out what Wendy is saying] “It can’t just be any song. It’s gotta be fitting, and we all gotta agree on it. I need everything about this party to go perf –“
Gilda: 🎵 I get knocked down! But I get up again! You’re never gonna keep me down! 🎵 [Margo, April, and Wendy are surprised by Gilda’s sudden singing; Margo and April look at each other and smile] 🎵 I get knocked down! But I get up again! You’re never gonna keep me down! 🎵
Gilda, Margo, and April: 🎵 I get knocked down! But I get up again! You’re never gonna keep me down! I get knocked down! But I get up again! You’re never gonna keep me down! 🎵 [Wendy smiles as she watches the rest of the Tetrad sing]
Wendy: 🎵 Pissing the night away, pissing the night away 🎵
April: 🎵 He drinks a whiskey drink, he drinks a vodka drink, he drinks a lager drink, he drinks a cider drink 🎵
Gilda and April: 🎵 He sings the songs that remind him of the good times, he sings the songs that remind him of the better times 🎵
Margo: 🎵 Oh Danny Boy, Danny Boy, Danny Boy 🎵
Entire Tetrad: 🎵 I get knocked down! But I get up again! You’re never gonna keep me down! I get knocked down! But I get up again! You’re never gonna keep me down! I get knocked down! But I get up again! You’re never gonna keep me down! I get knocked down! But I get up again! You’re never gonna keep me down! 🎵
[the Tetrad, not realizing that everyone in and around the food court had been watching them sing, are surprised when everyone around them begins singing]
Other patrons: 🎵 Pissing the night away, pissing the night away 🎵
[the Tetrad looks at each other and smiles, before continuing]
Gilda: 🎵 He drinks a whiskey drink, he drinks a vodka drink, he drinks a lager drink, he drinks a cider drink 🎵
Wendy: 🎵 He sings the songs that remind him of the good times, he sings the songs that remind him of the better times 🎵
Other patrons: 🎵 Don’t cry for me, next door neighbor 🎵
[Mall manager Walters walks in on the singing; after observing for a few seconds, she smirks and runs into a music store]
Tetrad plus patrons: 🎵 I get knocked down! But I get up again! You’re never gonna keep me down! I get knocked down! But I get up again! You’re never gonna keep me down! [Walters comes out of the store carrying a saxophone] 🎵 I get knocked down! But I get up again! You’re never gonna keep me down! I get knocked down! But I get up again! You’re never gonna keep me down! 🎵
[Walters starts playing the saxophone, the Tetrad sees this and smiles]
Gilda: “Holy crap, we even got Walters in on this.”
April: “Well, ah t’ink weh foond ‘r song, whit ‘boot ye guys?”
Gilda: “Oh yeah.”
Margo: “Fine by me!
Wendy: “Yep. This is our song. It’s settled. ‘Tubthumping’!”
[the Tetrad high-five each other and cheer]
[March 10, 2018, the candle lighting at Wendy’s bat mitzvah celebration. Eight of the fourteen candles have been lit]
Wendy: “One’s a first basesow, and two more can pitch. And the other one’s a shortstop in love with a…” [winks, and says the next part fast] “…centerfielder so good she’s practically a witch.” [the crowd laughs; Dolly and Nicole blush with shock and embarrassment, the former just her cheeks, the latter her entire face]
Dolly: “Good gracious, Wendy!”
Nicole: “I don’t know how to take that.”
Wendy: “All four are great players, whether Canaries or Shamrocks. Maybe one day, they’ll play for the Red Sox. They’re friends of my sister, so they’re friends of mine, and they’re all here tonight to light candle number nine. It’s the knight named Charlotte and the tank named Murphy, the goofy nerd Holt and the nerdy goof Murray! Hit it, Eddie!”
[a spotlight shines on Charlotte, Murphy, Holt, and Murray as “The Cheap Seats” by Alabama plays; the audience, including Wendy and the candle-lighters already on stage with her, applaud as the baseball players take the stage]
Margo: “The knight and the tank? What’s that supposed to mean?”
Gilda: “I think it’s because Charlotte is armored, since she’s a cingulatan. And Murphy is powerful even though she’s heavy.”
Margo: “I guess that makes sense.”
Gilda: “Also, on a side note, you gotta hand it to Wendy. She didn’t just take the easy way out and use ‘Centerfield’, she went for the deep cuts and found a song about baseball nobody would think to use. Except her, ’cause she’s awesome.”
April: “Yeh t’ink N’coole knoos why she chose ‘Doon By Th’ Lazeh River’ fer her?”
Margo: “Yeah, because it’s catchy and fun.”
Gilda: “No, Margo, it’s because the Osmonds are from Utah.”
Margo: “They are?” [Gilda and April nod] “Oh.” [beat] “Oh, that… what an awesome troll move.”
[Wendy hands the lighter to Murphy, who lights the ninth candle. The baseball players then take their spot on stage next to Nicole as the applause dies down; Murray notices that Nicole is still reeling, and puts his arm around her]
Gilda: “Whoop, here we go. Our turn!”
Wendy: “One loves glamour, another loves a dare. And another agrees with Huey that it’s hip to be square. They’ve been with me through the thin and the thick, the times that sparked joy, the times we got sick, the boy-girl parties to which we went hen. I invite them up to light candle number ten.”
April: “A’ight, ‘ere we go. ‘Tubthumpin” time!”
Wendy: “It’s April and Gilda, averted to boars, and rough tomboy Margo, lover of a soar. Hit it, Eddie!”
[the spotlight shines on Gilda, Margo, and April as “Tubthumping” plays; Wendy and the party applaud again as the trio take the stage]
Murray: “Soar? What’s a soar?”
Holt: “It’s a term used to describe certain ines that defy the outdated concept of the gender binary.”
Murray: “Oh, I get it. It combines the words ‘boar’ and ‘sow’.”
Nicole: “Yeah, isn’t that clever? They soar above the binary. Heheh.”
[Gilda, Margo, and April sing along to the song as they walk towards the candles on stage]
Gilda, Margo, and April: 🎵 I get knocked down! But I get up again! You’re never gonna keep me down! I get knocked down! But I get up again! You’re never gonna keep me down! 🎵
[Wendy hands Gilda the lighter]
Gilda: “Eeeeemph!” [puts her arm around Wendy and takes the lighter. Wendy puts her arm around Gilda as the procyonine lights the tenth candle] “Mabrouk, Wendy. On becoming bat mitzvah.”
Wendy: [blushing] “Thanks, Gilda.”
For those wondering, ‘mabrouk’ is an Arabic term used the same way as ‘mazel tov’. I came across the term while doing research into Sephardi culture, and, after seeing the social media accounts of Sephardim using it along with ‘mazel tov’, I decided to give the term some exposure through my work, as I’ve established the Wylers before to be Sephardi.
You know, it’s funny. The reason I made the Wylers to be Sephardi to begin with, was because of what I learned through research I did into the Jewish community in France, where the sisters get their ancestry from on their mother Judy’s side. According to what I’ve learned, most Jewish in France are of either Sephardi or Mizrahi background. I ended up going with the former, as I thought that having a Jewish character of what’s basically Hispanic background, would make for great representation and character interaction. Especially with her also being half-Korean. Little did I know, though, that I would be tapping into an underrepresented group, even within the Jewish community1. As I’ve brought up before, most Jewish people are Ashkenazi, and thus it’s mostly the Ashkenazi Jewish that are depicted in media. So having a Sephardi character for a change, was a chance to show a culture that most don’t know about. And, as I’ve learned from experience, is also quite difficult to find information on. But I’m willing to put in the work, and show whatever I can find and confirm to be accurate. Like having my Sephardi characters say ‘mabrouk’, either instead of or in addition to ‘mazel tov’. Personally, I see Wendy being 60-40 with it, with ‘mabrouk’ being her favored term.
1 Since writing this, Libby Stein-Torres of The Ghost and Molly McGee has become recognized as the breakout character of her show, and Casey Goldberg-Calderon of Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur is approaching breakout character status as well. While they haven’t, to my knowledge, been outright confirmed to be Sephardic, they are Jewish characters with Sephardic surnames, and thus I feel I have good reason to believe they are Sephardic like my own Wyler family. TGAMM, MGADD, and OTOG are the only three pieces of media with Sephardic characters I know of. If anyone knows any others, feel free to tell me.
Now to the artwork.
I ended up having to crunch production of this artwork into a single day, as I suffered from artist block wondering how to depict Wendy’s bat mitzvah celebration, and didn’t think of what to do until late on March 6th, i.e. just hours before Wendy’s canonical birthday. Not an issue when it came to drawing the Tetrad, but I ended up having to make the background out of thresholded and posterized stock images. I… think I’m going to call these kinds of backgrounds ‘fresh pasta’ backgrounds for now on, just for shits and giggles2. Anyhoo, creating the fresh pasta background was quite annoying; at one point, it ballooned the size of the PSD to nearly half a gigabyte (yes, gigabyte). I’ve worked with 100MB PSDs before, but the 400+ this got up to was ridiculous. I think most of the size is owed to the levels the images had to be scaled to.
2 Emphasis on the ‘shit’.
When it comes to the stock images themselves, the wall had a projection screen on it, which of course I cut out to make space for a window, and I also had to use the eraser and inpaint tools to remove a watermark that was over the image. The plants were JPEG images with white backgrounds that needed to be masked out, and even afterward had light outlines around them, that thankfully disappeared in the thresholding and posterizing. As for the window, it comes from a stock image of a room in a house. The window in the image stretches to the ceiling, and the image itself was also photographed during the day. So I had to manipulate the dimensions to make it look like a window several feet off the ground, and also apply layer effects to gaussian-blurred blocks of dark blue, to make this look like a night scene. Not much of an issue, considering I’ve done day-for-night effects before.
Being respectful of the day, this artwork originally uploaded to Twitter on March 7th (Wendy’s actual birthday), and I’m uploading it here and typing this description on the 10th, which, in 2018 (the year on the strict timeline Wendy and the rest of the Tetrad turn 13), was a Saturday, the day of the week when synagogue, and by extension bar and bat mitzvah celebrations, are held.
And that’ll be all for this artwork. Until next time, take care, stay safe, get vaccinated, reject crypto, and… mabrouk!
Twitter (Main): https://twitter.com/StormyAdlerPoG
Twitter (Art): https://twitter.com/TheOfficialOTOG
Instagram: www.instagram.com/phoenix_of_g…
Newgrounds: https://phoenixofgrunvale.newgrounds.com/
YouTube: www.youtube.com/channel/UCXj2N…
Discord: Contact me by my tag (Stormy Adler, P.o.G.#1752) for an invite to my server.
Grunvale/OTOG is owned by me. You’re free to draw fanart of it, as long as you credit me as the creator of the series.
“Tubthumping” was written by Chumbawumba for the album Tubthumper, owned by Universal Music Group through Republic Records.
This artwork was made at a resolution of 5076×2160 (aspect ratio 2.35:1).
The Gallery of Stormy Adler 